A Horrible Memory
by hollie-x
Summary: Brendan & Ste as a couple. Brendan hasn't been himself for days now, as if he was keeping something to himself, but what was it? Ste was determined to find out what was troubling him.
1. Chapter 1

**A Hollyoaks Fiction. I Don't Own Any Of The Characters Blah Blah  
Set: Ste & Brendan have been in a 'proper' relationship for 3 months now.  
**

Brendan hadn't been the same, old upbeat Brendan for days now and Ste was really starting to get concerned about his boyfriend. He had hardly shown any affection towards him, and hadn't even really looked into his eyes. Even on his birthday, he wasn't exactly happy or grateful for any gifts. Just seemed to just cower and hide all day.

'Brendan? Brendan? Ste asked gently.

'Mhm?' This was the first time Brendan had looked at Ste in days.

'Are you gonna break up with me?'

This question seemed to come as a shock for Brendan. No way on earth was he expecting Ste to ask him that question. That was the last thing he was anticipating.

'Wh...what? No Steven I'm never going to break up with you. You're my rock, you're the reason I keep on living!' Brendan replied, trying to reassure his lover.

It was true. Steven was the only reason Brendan kept on living. His childhood was of the worst kind. No child should have to endure what Brendan did from the age of eight, and many times before he had considered ending it all and attempting suicide, but a sheer memory of Ste's precious facial features brought Brendan back down to earth.

Steven let out a gentle, relived smile. 'What's up then? You haven't been yourself for days. Did you not like my present? Cos ya know.. I could get you summit el...'

Ste couldn't even finish his sentence before he was interrupted.

'Steven I loved it, it's the best present ever.' Brendan replied, with a half-hearted smile.

Steven got him some tickets for a international football match between Ireland and England. He knew it would be fun, each supporting the opposite team. Whoever won then the other could somehow comfort them afterwards. Win win situation in Ste's book.

'What is it then?' Ste whispered as he put his hands over Brendan's. 'You can tell me anything you know. Is it Cheryl? or your mum?'

'No, neither of them. It's... no Steven I can't. If I tell you it all becomes real again. I can't'

Brendan started to cry now. Ste had never actually seen Brendan this upset. Sure, he'd seen him upset after his friend Lynsey's sudden passing, but this was something serious. Even more serious than murder if there was such a thing.

'Brendan I want to help you...'

'If I tell you, he might come after you Steven. I couldn't live with that. He's a monster Steven, an absolute monster.' Brendan was speaking in such a thick irish accent. He sounded like he was panicing.

'Who Brendan? Who? Nobody's gonna come after me. Not when I've got you near me eh? It's better when you tell other people ya'know instead of keeping it bottled up'

Ste had never really talked like this to Brendan before. It was always the other way round, Brendan trying to help Ste through something he had done that was stupid.

Brendan was sitting on the floor of the bedroom now, the far left hand corner, an all too familar part of the room for him. Ste was knelt beside him, still holding his hand tightly. He looked into Ste's bright blue eyes.

'My da...My da.. he erm. Yaknow... I can't say the word Steven. I can't say it!' Brendan was literally in floods of tears now, eyes bloodshot red from the stinging.

Steven looked shocked. He knew Brendan's dad used to beat him so he wouldn't be admitting that. Then came the realisation. His dad had abused him more than punches. There's only one thing worse than that. The lowest of the low. To your own son? You're own flesh and blood?

Ste said nothing, just took Brendan's head and buried it in his arms. There was no words to be spoken, just comfort for now. If Brendan wanted to open up more to Ste he would be there for him. Yet, for now Brendan just had to let the tears flow, to somehow get this horrible memory out of his system. This was the first stage though, telling somebody. A relief.

'I love you Brendan, I love you. I'm here...' Ste whispered in his ear..

**To be continued. Please review :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**(Sorry it's kind of long, got carried away)**

Brendan escaped from his boyfriend's clutches. Nothing agressive, he just needed to somehow deal with the fact that he had just released the biggest secret of his life. It felt like a big weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He had told nobody about the trauma before. His dad used to abuse him, sexually abuse him.

'Thankyou' Brendan whispered attentively.

Ste didn't even give a response to Brendan's appreciation. How could he? How could he say 'oh thats okay, it's fine?' Nothing was fine anymore, his world had just turned upside down knowing what Brendan had been through and for some reason he felt guilty that he hadn't been told before. Did Brendan not trust him enough? Did he think he would go running onto the street and tell everybody? Tell Cheryl? Oh god. Cheryl...

'Brendan.. was it erm. Just you? I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked that. I don't know what to say. I feel sick to my stomach. We can fight this. We can go the station right n..'

'No! No Steven. Promise me you can't tell the police. Promise me. I don't want that. It will ruin Cheryl's life. She loves him, idolises him. I can't take that away from her. Please don't. Please don't!'

Ste was shocked, he wanted that monster, that disgrace to get away with putting his son through all that? How could he even call himself a dad. Who does that to their children?!

'Okay. If that's what you want'

Steven took Brendan's hand in his and carefully approached the subject. 'If you ever want to talk about it though, I'm not saying you need to, just if you ever want to I'm here okay? I'll always be here, think of me like a priest releasing your worries'

'A priest? You're weird sometimes do you know that? Brendan felt like he was coming back down to earth again; back to his amazing life with his amazing man.

He stood up and reached down to grab the smooth hands of his boy. Taking his waist, he gave him possibly the most affectionate cuddle he had ever given, burying his head in Steven's neck. 'I love you, I love you so much. Thankyou' he mumbled softly.

Later on in bed that night, Brendan felt the right time was now. He wanted to accept Steven's help. He wanted to share the angst and worry with him, share some of the horrible stories and nightmares he had endured over the years and just feel comfort in the fact Ste had believed him. He knew for a fact if he ever told his ma, Cheryl any of his family infact, about his dad that they wouldn't have believed him. Brendan was always seen as the devil child, the one always being the outcast in the Brady bunch. He had been in prison, knocked up his 16 year old girlfriend and then supposedly out of thin air turned gay. Why would they believe him now? All that mattered though was the one person who meant everything to him did.

'It happened on my eighth birthday, you know.'

Ste turned round to face his lover, Brendan had been spooning him moments before. 'Eight?'

'Yeah. I had a really nice party, my friends were there, my family was there. Loved it I did. Then I got into an argument with one of my friends. Don't even know what it was about and got sent to my room. Everybody was made to go. Was just me and _him_ left in the house. I had this amazing cake. It looked like a football stadium you know? Amazing it was, really clever. Can you make cakes Steven?'

Ste gave him a disaproving look 'Me? A proper 3D birthday cake? Don't think so. Easier to buy it init? He knew Brendan was trying to wriggle out of it now. He didn't blame him at all. Who would want to revisit all these horrible memories as a child? Ste had a shit childhood, but looking back now it wasn't half as bad as Brendan's.

'He didn't give me a bit you know. Not straight away. I just remember hearing these footsteps coming up the stairs. I knew it was him, was the boots he wore, always made a noise. Then my door swung open and he placed his cigarette on the shelf. I hated the smell of fags. I'm glad you don't smoke Steven. You've got good lungs...'

Ste couldn't even answer. He had tears streaming down his face already. Brendan was only 3 years older than Leah, 5 years older than Lucas. A child, an innocent child. He hadn't done anything wrong, all children have spats and act up. It's normal, infact you'd be quite an unusual kid if you didn't occasionally have a fight or argument with friends.

'I thought he was gonna hit me at first, he did that a lot, but his eyes looked different this time. He had venom in his eyes, he looked like he wanted to kill me. I tried to get up and run away, but he wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let me Steven. He held me up against the wall and touched me...' Brendan was hysterical now. He couldn't carry on. He tried to be brave, tell Steven everything but when it came to that part, he couldn't. He had tears flowing rapidly down his face.

'It felt like it lasted hours, was probably only twenty minutes..'

'Twenty minutes is long enough Brendan, one seconds bad enough. You don't need to tell me this you know. I love you, I believe you and I'm here for you. Only when you're ready.

'I've been ready 20 years Steven...I remember waking up face down in my pillow. I think I passed out. I looked up at my table and there it was.'

'What?'

'A slice of my cake, he left me a slice of my cake. I got a bit of my cake. I wasn't bad after all, I thought he done it cos I showed him up. Didn't think he'd bring me up a bit of cake'

Brendan seemed to have changed in the last half an hour. Had he just? He had. He had just blamed himself. He thought he deserved to raped. I hate that word. But he was. His dad had raped him, then blamed him.

'BRENDAN! BRENDAN! Listen to me right. This isn't your fault.'

Brendan looked up to the face of Steven. They were both crying into eachother's arms. He knew he would never leave him, this was for keeps and this was the first step into Brendan accepting he needed help and Ste was gonna be there every step of the way for him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_**The end of this chapter was so hard to write, you wouldn't believe how many times I wrote stuff down and then deleted it. You'll see why once you read. I would say enjoy but somehow I don't think anybody will enjoy this one. Hard to explain :)**_

Christmas Eve. No kids. Neither of the Brady/Hay couple had experienced a christmas without children around them for years. Eileen had whisked Declan and Padraig away to Spain with her new fancy piece and due to all the snow Amy couldn't even get a train or car to Chester. So here Ste and Brendan were with eachother for company. Their first christmas as a proper couple.

'What's the plan for tomorrow mister then?' Ste smiled at Brendan. He still didn't really know what to say to Brendan. It had been a couple of weeks since Brendan had poured his heart out on their bedroom floor, reliving all of his childhood memories, and nothing had been mentioned since. Ste still thought that Brendan should have done something to help him whether that be reporting his dad to the police or even getting some kind of professional help, but he didn't want to push Brendan away so he just went along with Brendan's thoughts.

'Just round Cheryl's I suppose, nothing major. You're cooking obviously. I don't want to die of food poisioning'

'Am I now? I do cook a mean turkey though me'

* * *

'Brendan we're going for a christmas dinner not a flaming buisness meeting, take your jacket off'

'Hmm is that an order?'

'Yep' Ste knew were this was going but he was playing along regardless.

'You better come and take it off then'

Ste walked over to Brendan and planted a soft kiss on his lips. Brendan attempted to pull him in further.

'Bren were gonna be late. We've got to be at Cheryl's in 20 minutes.'

'Hmm long enough. Please...'

He loved it when Brendan begged him, it made him feel special, powerful. Everything had changed since they first got together. Brendan never begged Ste to kiss or sleep with him, he never really needed to. Ste was there in an instant at his beck and call.

* * *

Walking hand in hand through the village still tugged at Ste's heartstrings, even after all these months. He couldn't believe that Brendan had accepted who he was. He still wouldn't totally snog his face off in public, but even Ste found that icky. There's nothing worse than sitting there eating your lunch or dinner and turning around and seeing a couple - whether they are gay or straight- trying to eat eachother's faces off, that's something you should only do in private. But hand holding was enough, a little peek on the cheek, longing looks practically stripping you of your clothes, that's what Ste had always wanted from Brendan and that's what he had finally got.

*Knock knock*

Cheryl tenderly opened her front door. 'Brendan...Ste... come in, we've got a visitor..'

'A visitor? Who? The kids?!' Brendan seemed really happy for a split second.

'No. Pa!'

'What...'

'Pa! He's here. Proper Brady Crimbo Eh? Anyway why am I keeping you two at the door.. Sorry. Come in.'

Ste glanced over to Brendan, by the looks of it a reassuring look. An 'it'll be fine, I'm here with you look.'

'Dad.. This is Ste... Brendan's...'

Ste quickly butt in. 'Friend. Brendan's friend. My kids are out of town, nobody around the celebrate with so Cheryl and Brendan said I could join in the festivities with you all. If that's okay of course?'

Brendan stood there. Shocked, open-mouthed and thought to himself. Did he really just ask that. Did he really just ask _him_ if it was okay with _him_ if he was here? Why should he ask that? He is a million times the man compared to _that_ and most of all why did he just tell him we were just friends?! I've spent the best part of two years calling us that, and he hated it. Why the hell was he being me? Denying us. Surely he knew anyway right? Cheryl or somebody must have told him? No, no. This is wrong. I've got to put a stop to this.

Brendan went to grab Ste's hand, who then pulled it away... 'Steven? We...'

Ste quickly interrupted his outburst. 'Bren, come and help me get sorted then yeah? You can cut the vegetables'

Walking over to the kitchen Ste smiled at Pa, then in turn at Cheryl. 'You two sit down, make yourself comfortable put the TV on or something. Sorry being bossy me, always nervous around new people'

'No problem Steven'

'Uh. Steven he just called him Steven' Brendan thought to himself. 'I'm the only one who calls him that.'

Before Brendan could think he opened his mouth. 'It's Ste. His name's Ste. Where do you want me?

'Kitchen..vegetables Brendan'

He needed to ask him. He needed to know exactly why. Why had he just stood there and lied?

'Steven..'

'Brendan it's under control okay. He doesn't need to know. I've told him I've got kids aint I? He won't question it. Then we'll make up you fancy a girl later okay? He doesn't need to know Brendan.'

'I want him to know...'

'No you don't, you don't Brendan. You can do this, I'm here with you okay?

'DOES THIS BLOKE SERIOUSLY THINK NOBODY KNOWS HIS A POOF?! SERIOUSLY?! HIS GOT GIRL DANCERS AROUND HIM AND HE'S CHANGED THE SONG TO SHE INSTEAD OF HE. WHAT A PRAT!'

'Steven I can't do this. I've got to go home, take me home please. I'm gonna break infront of him. I can't let him see me weak'

'HIS WEARING MAKE UP! MAKE UP CHERYL LOOK! OH MY GOD!'

Pa was laughing hysterically now at the television which was really getting Brendan's back up.

'His laughing at me Steven, he's laughing at me. I need to go. I need to go'

Brendan ran to the front door, before quickly turning the lock and storming out, slamming the door behind him.

'Erm.. I'll just yeah...' Ste said before opening the door himself, more calmly than Brendan.

'Trouble in paradise with you two eh?' Pa said as he winked at Ste.

He knew. Pa knew...

**I just thought I'd say, It's obvious but these views aren't my own. I didn't know whether to wait until we actually saw Pa before writing these scenes, or to just do it now. I chose to do it now cos I don't have any new fics on the horizon and I get really bad writers block if I wait a week before continuing fics on, let alone a month. So yeah, would say hope you enjoyed, but it's hard to enjoy reading about a homophobe. I love Brendan, I love Ste. I hate Pa. That's all really...**

**ONE MONTH UNTIL DUBLIN BY THE WAY YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! :) :)**


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry it's took ages to update this fic. I don't really know where to go with it to be honest. I don't know what Pa's actually gonna be like, how he's gonna treat Brendan etc. Hope it's not too terrible... Greatful for your reviews though blah blah blah :) xx [Short Chapter Sorry]_

**Chapter 4**

Ste never realised how unfit he actually was, and come to think of it how _fit_ Brendan was. He was half way down the village, god knows where he was heading but he was practically sprinting...

'Bren! Stop will ya for fucks sake!'

Brendan had heard Steven call his name so many times in the last few seconds but chose to ignore them all. He wondered why he was actually ignoring him. He loved the bones of the boy, worked so hard to get him back in his life why was he ignoring him now? All he was doing was trying to make everything better..

Brendan stopped in his tracks and turned round. 'What Steven? What do you want eh?'

'Um..Bre...n...stop'

'I have you moron' a smile grin appeared on his face, so close to a laugh. 'Aww is my baby Steven worn out? Told you you need to go to the gym more'

'Shut up.. I aint got time have I. Why did you run off? It were fine'

'It wasn't Steven you know it wasn't. He was laughing at me. Laughing at us.'

'The television Bren, the television. Not us at all'

Brendan knew Pa was laughing at the television really but in a way it was indirectly at him and Steven... the gays.. He hated the way Pa stereotyped everybody he laid eyes upon. So what the bloke on the television was wearing make up? It didn't matter at all. It doesn't define a human being, plenty of celebs wear it and that doesn't define their sexuality.

Anger appeared on Brendan's face, fists clenched, eyes vacant.

'Brendan what are you doing?'

'Something I shoulda done a long time ago Steven...'

'No! Brendan this is meant to be our first christmas together, don't go and fuck that up.' Steven grabbed Brendan's arm but yet again Brendan's strength overpowered Ste's. 'Brendan! For fuck's sake stop'

Brendan didn't listen to Steven for once, he stormed into the Brady household, completely ignoring Cheryl blabbering on in his earhole about how he shouldn't of stormed out.

'Ahh your back boy'

BOY. BOY. He wasn't a boy anymore, a boy he could push about and do what he wanted to do. He was a man now, a full grown man. A man that can stop battles like this, a man who can fight back...

'Brendan! Brendan! What the fuck Brendan!' Cheryl screamed.

The door was pushed open and Brendan turned round to see the shock on Steven's face, the shock he had placed there. Turning back around again, face falling to the floor all he could see was the man who had caused so much hurt in his life, laying there hurting himself unable to move and not a single flash of guilt was presenton Brendans part...

**Why's Pa so hard to write seriously?! It's so hard to write a homophobic person when your not homophobic yourself... Anyway hope it was alright please review :)**


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